The Duck Metaphor I Had Backwards

"I'm like a duck. Above the surface I'm calm and composed. What's beneath is all the effort, the thinking, the planning, the doing."

That’s how I carried myself in my career for a while. I thought companies wanted an employee who hid their struggles, no. matter. what. 

There's a lot of performing in that metaphor, an unspoken expectation to present your best, and hide everything else.

What if we reinvent the metaphor in a way that’s accurate?

While on a run, I noticed some ducks gliding through the water. It hit me – all that swimming wasn’t them hiding or presenting something else! They're making an effort that’s natural to them, and if you look under the water, you'll see all of it. No hiding, no performing. They’re making it happen, pushing themselves when needed, and just being themselves. The difference between ducks and us humans is that we choose to hide.

I recently caught up with a former client, he was excited to share that he finally feels like himself as an exec. When we started working together, he wanted to be a better executive, but he was doing it in isolation. He hid his struggles from his co-founder, his board of directors, his team, and his peers. Our work eventually uncovered why: he was in a constant state of performing. The cost of this meant that he wasn’t creating collaborative relationships, he wasn’t getting the support that he needed, and he was hiding his efforts. 

Performing as a constant state of being is exhausting — it takes extreme mental focus, immense physical strength, deep emotional energy – all spent maintaining a self that isn't quite yours. Performing stops being a choice and you can’t distinguish between yourself and how you’re trying to present.

Eventually, he felt comfortable and confident in his own skin to share other parts of himself. And he stopped carrying his efforts alone. 

The duck doesn’t perform.There's no gap between what it's doing and who it is. And it’s not hiding its efforts! 

Be a duck. (the duck is you)

Not because it's calm, or graceful, or has it together. Because it's not hiding or trying to be anything other than itself. There’s nothing underneath the surface that it's hiding from you, others – and most importantly itself. 

Where's the gap for you right now — between what you're doing and who you actually are underneath it?

What would it take to close it, even a little?

What impact is this gap making on you, your relationships, or your career?